EVIDENCE OF JOY

When my novel, EVIDENCE OF LIFE, was given its birth date, March 26, 2013, I began reading and researching everything I could find on what to expect and on what I could do to prepare. It was a process similar to the one I went through when I was anticipating the birth of my children, but instead of a shower or a christening ceremony, a book receives a launch party. The two share the same spirit of celebration, though. They are the same in that they are welcoming of a new and precious creation, something with weight and stature and value.

I was very honored to participate in my launch event this past Friday, April 12. I had no idea what to expect. I prepared a reading. I’d chosen a passage toward the middle of the book, but changed that at the last minute when my very wise editor gently suggested I might want to entice those who attended the event with the first chapter. She was so right! After reading, I imagined I would offer to answer questions and then worried what if no one asked any. I worried, too: What if no one came? But one thing I wasn’t worried about was the location for my event. I was fortunate that it was the Barnes and Noble, Champions, in Houston, where Lillian Reitz is the Community Relations Manager. She is the soul of patience and serenity, and immediately on my arrival, she told me exactly what would happen and what I could expect. 

I wish I could describe how it felt to walk in the door of a bookstore and see my book cover and my own image as its author on an easel, billed as that evening’s entertainment. I’d dreamed such a thing; I’ve indulged so many flights of fancy, but the dream was incomparable to the reality. In fact, the whole evening exceeded anything I could ever dream or imagine. 

There was the location, that particular Barnes and Noble store just has a wonderful atmosphere, and there was the set up—the table with my books, the podium, even a microphone! And there was Lillian, whose presence I appreciated more than she’ll ever know, but what really amazed me were the people who came and sat down in the chairs, more than thirty, who then listened for eleven minutes while I read the first chapter of my novel. Mine! The one I labored over for so long. The one I loved and that other people, such as my agent and editor, loved as well, enough to bring it and me to a book launch event. But the audience—I still can’t quite get over that there was one. People drove in Friday rush hour traffic to be there. They gave up a portion of their weekend, their off hours. My family, friends, too, but there were people whom I did not know. It was amazing, surreal. I was so nervous, but I loved it, every moment. And I’m so grateful to everyone (especially Lisa Wray, Public Relations Coordinator at MIRA) who helped to make it happen. There is so much joy in this endeavor not the least of which was to be found at that Barnes and Noble store last Friday night. I think you’ll see evidence of it in the photos.

Talking with an friend and former critique partner, Linda Helman, who drove a ton of miles to be there. Plus, look at the sign! It gave me goosebumps.

The table was beautiful! The flowers are from my garden.

Lillian delivering a glowing introduction. I was nervous!

The audience - listening! I was a bit in awe.

I'm signing, really signing! Lovely.

Do the work and dress appropriately

A week ago today, EVIDENCE OF LIFE made it’s debut. It was a landmark day, a milestone, one I had imagined in dreams for years but was often not quite sure I’d reach. Before it happened, there was a lot of hard work. I wrote pages and pages only to toss them all out and write them again. I read hundreds of novels and loved and learned and was inspired by many of them. I was the artist learning from the masters. My mentor and dear friend Guida has always said the only way to learn to write is to write. Someone else, I don’t remember who, said you have to write a million words. I’m pretty sure I’ve crossed that threshold. The work at least for me isn’t much different than digging a new garden bed. You turn the soil, and turn it some more. You have a quasi plan—all right, some gardeners hire a landscaper and get a real plan. That’s not me, writer or gardener. Because I like flying by the seat of my pants—anyway, the quasi plan most likely doesn’t flow the way you thought it would so you dig up everything and move it around. Believe it or not I love all of this, whether gardening or writing. You rearrange everything. Some stuff gets tossed on the compost pile. You walk around studying the new design. Maybe it works for a while, but then, one day, looking at it, you get another brilliant idea. You have to see if it’ll work, so, yep, you dig up everything again. I always feel sorry for the earthworms, but that’s another story.

Here’s the thing, all this time, writing or gardening, I wear the same clothes. Old jeans, kid jeans from the boy’s department at Macy’s, or wherever, and t-shirts, mostly white with some kind of nature thingy on them. I write mornings, and I’ve learned not to wear anything good, because I might find I’ve wandered off at some point to think through something about the plot or a character, and I’ll find myself in the garden, scrubbing the dirt off my hands down the leg of my jeans. Or I’ll decide the hydrangeas need a shot of iron and stain my shirt mixing the solution. I ruined a lot of decent clothing that way. But last week, when I was well and truly published, you know, in paper and everything, I decided maybe I should dress better. I made a vow even, I would dress better for my work, like a real professional author. I would wear my nice jeans, the ones with no holes in the seat and knees and a shirt without stains. The trend lasted for several days. I wasn’t immersed in a project, really. I was in a holding pattern, waiting to hear from my editor about Book #2. Word came down from her just the other day. Hard copy edits followed yesterday. There’s a lot of work to do. A LOT. So, today I got up and put on my work clothes, the jeans with the holes in the knees, the t-shirt that’s stained. No make up. No nothing. Just me and the computer, my editor’s notes, and a burning desire to make Book #2 the best book I’ve ever written.

I’m back in the trenches. Nothing’s changed. It’s like Steven Pressfield said, best and briefest: Do the work. If you want to be a writer, if you want to achieve anything in life, Do the Work. Every day. Even if you’re as famous as Stephen King or any one of my idols, Anita Shreve, Caroline Leavitt, A. Manette Ansay, Anna Quindlan, Pat Conroy, you still have to do the work. I’ve had people ask me how I got here. How did I land this plum job. I even ask myself, but I know the answer … I did the work. I still do. Even if I hit every bestseller list in the world, in the universe, it wouldn’t change. Even if I changed careers, dreams, goals, if I want the joy of life, the satisfaction and contentment of a job well done, I’d still have to do the work. So that’s my best advice, do the work, and dress appropriately!

EVIDENCE OF CELEBRATION!

On the last ordinary day of her life … those are the words that open my novel, EVIDENCE OF LIFE, my novel that will make its national print debut in just four days on Tuesday, March 26^th. When I initially wrote them, I couldn’t foresee how accurately they would, one day, come to describe the opening of a very different life for me as well. Looking back they seem almost prophetic, but at the time, writing the story, I hadn’t an inkling of the impact it would have on my life. I had high hopes, of course, but not even in my wildest fantasy, could I have imagined the dream come true experience that was shaping itself in my future. I completed the novel and sent out multiple queries, beginning with my top tier of desirable agents, the high five. But nothing happened. I had requests to submit the full, but as time went on, I began to despair, to deflate like a days-old party balloon. And then, and then … I got THE CALL!! from my dream agent, Barbara Poelle. She had some suggestions for rewriting that made sense to me, plus she was my DREAM AGENT! So, of course, I’m going to jump through hoops, right? But, really, I didn’t hold out much hope. I’d had rewrite and resubmit requests before. But this time it was all good, and on the 28^th of February, 2012, just a tish over one year ago, my writing life underwent a sea change when Barbara emailed, and said, I love it. Let’s chat. Or words to that effect. I was elated. Even now, writing about it, remembering, I want to pinch myself. One year, one little year ago, I woke up in one world and lay down that night in another. But that’s not all. Not by a long shot.

Because, exactly one year ago, today, on March 22^nd, Barbara called or emailed, I forget which, to say, four publishers were interested in EVIDENCE OF LIFE. Four! What a day it was. I don’t think I really had a clue what was happening. I remember walking around my house in the afternoon, with my ears ringing and my heart hammering. I really think I was in a bit of shock and disbelief. But once the dust cleared, I’d signed with MIRA, and I have never looked back. Life underwent another sea change, one with the proportions of a tidal wave. I sit here, this morning, one short year later, and I’m still a bit dizzy. Wonderfully dizzy. And so filled with elation, with gratefulness. I have the loveliest of editors, Erika Imranyi, who knows exactly how to guide my fiction so it shines. But I could not have been more fortunate in that the entire team of professionals I work with at MIRA has been wonderful. And then I’ve met through virtual means the loveliest group of authors, fellow MIRA authors, Sophie Littlefield, (GARDEN OF STONES, February 26, 2013) Suzanne Hayes and Loretta Nyhan, (co-authors of I’LL BE SEEING YOU, May 28, 2013) and Jason Mott, (THE RETURNED, August 27, 2013). I’m thrilled for them and to know them and be a part of their success, too. I love their books and urge you to discover them.

   

I intend for this post to be inspiring of joy. I have a lot to share, and I hope it’s contagious. That you’ll catch it and run with it. If you’re a writer, or if you’ve undertaken any endeavor, and the going has gotten hard, but, still, you love it so much it breaks your heart to think of letting it go … don’t! Keep going. Stay open to the possibilities. I’m speaking from experience now when I say the wonder of life, its gifts, can be delivered in an instant. Joseph Campbell said it best: “If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living." Do it, follow your bliss, and try not to be afraid. Here's something else I've learned: You are the only one who can see the doors. They are only your doors, created for you and no one else, so be true to yourself. Keep your eyes open, don’t listen to the naysayers, even the one inside your own head (which is the worst of the lot, by far!) and never stop believing in yourself. Dreams really do come true. In just four days, you can see the EVIDENCE (OF LIFE) and of one dream made real, for yourself, on store bookshelves, nationwide!

Exercise, another four-letter word that isn't!

In the past year I’ve had a lot to celebrate. More of my dreams have come true in the short span of twelve months than I’ve ever thought possible. You would think I would be relaxed, right? After all, I’m doing what I love best in the world—writing—and making a living at it for once. And, trust me, most mornings when I wake up, I am in heaven, thinking of the day ahead. Even when the plot isn’t working or the character won’t be manhandled into whatever slot I want him to fit into, whatever the challenges are, they’re all food for my soul. I love the knots, I really do. So I’m definitely where I need to be, and it’s a great feeling. It’s aces, but guess what? It’s still stressful. Personally, I don’t think stress knows the difference between good news/bad news, or to be more accurate, I don’t think the human body knows the difference. It responds to changes in the status quo, good or bad, with the same uptight reaction. Stepping into new circumstances, even when they are desired, increases the pressure, regardless of the circumstances.

I prop my Kindle on the center column and read or listen to music when I ride.

It was when I had a couple of teenagers running around, while working a full-time office job, that I realized I need some tools to deal with the stress, so I bought a bike and started riding it every day after work around the neighborhood. Sometimes my kids would ride, too, but it didn’t matter. I would go, regardless, except in rainy and/or cold weather. But then when we’d get a spell of bad weather, and days would go by, and I couldn’t ride, I began to notice how my mood would fall. So I bought a stationary bike. At my sons’ urging, I added a free weight workout, too. And I meditate. When I worked outside jobs, I’d come home, walk in the backdoor, hand held up traffic cop style, and say one thing: “Give me forty-five minutes, please,” and I’d disappear to do my exercise routine and my quiet mental decompressing. The habit took; I’ve maintained it for years, and last week I was reminded just how vital it is to me.

Here I am, days away from seeing a dream I’ve held for years come full circle, and I’m ecstatic, but I’m also apprehensive. I think it’s only natural. It’s been so long in the making and so many have worked so hard now, not just me, but an entire team of publishing professionals to whom and for whom I am indebted beyond measure. So, yeah, I’m a tish nervous. Riding my stationary bike is one way I deal with those feelings, but imagine my distress when I got on it last week and it had no resistance. I rode it anyway. Of course I couldn’t do it again and began a search to find someone who could repair it. Meanwhile, amazingly, without the antidote of exercise, my mind, which was already more than ordinarily stressed, wasted no time seizing the opportunity to begin producing every single nightmarish scenario it could come up with.

As the week without the bike progressed, I got more snappish and teary and anxious. I shared my anxiety with friends and that’s something I strive never to do. It’s just not my usual demeanor. I wondered at myself, and it did cross my brain that maybe it was the lack of exercise, even though I continued the free weight workouts and meditation. But it didn’t really come home to me just how much of an impact riding the bike makes on my life until the use of it was restored. Getting back on it again after a six-day hiatus made a night and day difference in my anxiety level. Within the space of one forty-five minute, push it to the limit ride I was back to feeling my old optimism. It’s weird how quickly it was restored.

Now I look back on the years since I started doing this, and I can’t say how it happened, that this strong habit of regular exercise, in particular aerobic exercise, where heart and breathing rates are elevated, became a priority, but I’m glad for it nonetheless. I still suffer from a certain amount of anxiety. I’m still apprehensive about EVIDENCE OF LIFE and its national debut on Tuesday. But the quality of the apprehension since I’ve had access to my daily bike ride is much different. It’s not detrimental, if that makes sense. It’s more positive and upbeat. My sense of the difference is so strong that if I hadn’t been getting regular aerobic exercise before, I certainly would be now. Whether it’s good stress or bad stress, I think exercise is what a body needs, maybe even craves, and I know it does a mind, at least my mind, so much good. I recommend it!

Do you write about crime? Swim with the Guppies

I recently had the privilege of being interviewed by Lourdes Venard, an editor for the newsletter, First Draft. She contacted me after reading EVIDENCE OF LIFE to talk about the book and to ask about my publishing journey which has taken me from being an indie to a traditionally published author. She was interested because First Draft is the monthly publication by and for members of the Guppies, a chapter of Sisters in Crime, who write in several different mystery sub-genres, but share one common goal: to see their work in print. The Guppies became a formal Sisters in Crime chapter in 2005, following years as a Support and Information Group. They share the same mission as SinC, restated a few years ago: To promote the professional development and advancement of women crime writers to achieve equality in the industry.

If you are an author, writing in these genres, and you're looking for information on publishing, whether through traditional channels, finding an agent etc., or through indie channels, check out this site. There is a wealth of information and tons of support. In addition to publishing info and  author interviews, there are interviews with actual crime professionals. I'd share the newsletter (It was fantastic!) but it's for members only.

WHEN FICTION & FACT COLLIDE

The novels I write about crime and the devastating    effect it has on families, whether it’s the family of the victim or the perpetrator, are fiction. But the fiction is often painfully, horribly close to the reality. For the last several years, I’ve been following the case of twenty-seven-year-old Ryan Ferguson most recently through the television news show, 48 Hours. If you aren’t familiar, Ryan was convicted in Columbia, Missouri for the 2001 murder of local reporter Kent Heitholt based solely on the testimony of two ‘witnesses’ who have now admitted they committed perjury. There are even members of the original jury who, based on this new evidence, now feel Ryan deserves a new trial. Yet he remains locked up, a victim of the Missouri so-called justice system. I’ll go a step farther and say, forget a new trial, Missouri needs to free this man immediately. You see, in addition to the recanted testimony, none of the considerable DNA evidence found at the scene belongs to Ryan. Nor does any of it match Chuck Erickson, the co-defendant who one day, two and a half years after the murder was committed, at the age of nineteen, began telling friends he had a dream about having done it. Someone called the police about Chuck’s “dream” and they picked him up. From that point forward, Chuck was basically fed information until his “story” sort of fit the facts. He had no independent information about the crime. You can watch the disturbing police interrogation of this very troubled kid here. This entire case is a travesty. Anyone with a brain can put it together. But as recently as this past October, Ryan’s latest appeal was denied. The judge’s explanation makes little sense. I think it’s fairly simple to understand what’s happening, though, that it has to do with the egos of the people involved from the police to the prosecutors to the presiding judges, who are unable to admit mistakes were made, that, in fact, a grave miscarriage of justice has taken place. Every time I see anything about this story in the news, I want to stand up and yell: Come on, people! Let Ryan go home!

The one ray of hope in all of this is that Ryan is now represented by Kathleen Zellner, who has obtained the exoneration of 10 wrongfully convicted men.

I’ve written stories from both sides of the crime, the guilty side and the innocent side, and I am, in fact, currently working on a novel about a family caught in circumstances similar to Ryan’s, where the son in the family is wrongfully accused. And something that has struck me just recently as I’ve watched Ryan’s father, mother and sister interviewed, is that regardless of which side the family is on—whether your child is the one who is guilty of the crime for which he or she stands accused, or innocent of it --  the expressions of shock and grief look the same. The tears on either side are the same. But somehow, when it’s your kid, when you know he’s innocent, I’ve got to believe that’s the harder, more difficult tragedy.

I admit to feeling as strongly as I do to some degree because I have two big, handsome sons like Ryan, too, who are near him in age, and I can scarcely allow myself to imagine the hellish nightmare this would be if it were one of them locked away for forty years and my family who was enduring the nightmare. My heart goes out to Ryan who is losing days of the freedom most of us take for granted for something he didn’t do. And my heart goes out to his parents and his sister, whose suffering is the collateral damage of this ridiculous and horrible mistake. But here’s the thing, I’m not sure when I’ve ever seen such courage and grace. Ryan bears no hard feeling, no ill will. He has even said something to the effect that anger won’t do anyone any good. He has managed to remain hopeful, although in the face of this latest denial of his appeal, he admits to feeling discouraged. Still, his demeanor is so calm and direct. He makes me proud to be a human being. In the end of every novel I write, I pose the question of forgiveness, whether it’s possible. Ryan Ferguson, and the way he’s handling what is an utterly unforgiveable situation with such courage, is the answer.

Please visit the website that is set up in his name here. Visit and “Like” his Facebook page, if, like me, after reading the facts, you can agree Ryan should be set free.

EVIDENCE OF MISSED OPPORTUNITIES

Beautiful books & wine missing smiling faces....

I woke up this morning and could have immediately kicked myself. Not for waking up. That’s a good thing! But for what I didn’t do last night. You see, I have this wonderful critique group, T.J. Bennett, Wanda Dionne, Joni Rodgers and Colleen Thompson. (You should check out their books for some great reads!) We meet, regularly; all of us try to get together twice a month. We read and discuss pages of current writing projects, which is good, but we also talk the writing biz and sometimes that is what is so sorely needed … a place and people to talk to about the vicissitudes of the writing life, the changes in our fortunes as we wend our way, each of us on our journey. We talk over our struggles to fit our writing lives into our other life responsibilities, like the demands of family and other employment. Sometimes it’s difficult for someone outside of your field, whether it’s writing or something else, to understand the particular process that’s involved, how it works, how and under what conditions it’s accomplished. Writing a book is like that, requiring of a certain, highly individual process. There are five of us in my critique group and each of us has a different way of getting a book done, and because we’re doing the same sort of work in the same field, we can commiserate, support and encourage each other in ways that are so meaningful. It’s so relieving when you’re feeling low about your job, to have somebody, or in this case four somebodies, who are familiar with the territory, to help you talk the trouble through.

But it’s also thrilling to have four somebodies to celebrate the highest, most exciting moments, too. I can’t say in words how much it has meant to me to share the joyful launch of  EVIDENCE OF LIFE with my critique sisters. They were there, literally, from page one and saw the novel through more incarnations than I can remember. If my blood, sweat and tears is wrought into every page, so is theirs. They are tireless, generous and loving midwives to my process, which brings me to our meeting last night and the reason I’m upset with myself this morning.

Yesterday boxes filled with the final copies of EVIDENCE OF LIFE came, and the book is beautiful. I held the fruit of all my labor in my hands. I think I may have danced a little happy dance with it. Earlier this week, I had picked up the lovely wine bottled in its honor by Gary Rodgers, the husband of critique partner Joni Rodgers. I knew I was hosting last night’s critique meeting and I had it all planned. I would serve each of my partners a signed book and a glass of wine with a frozen blackberry as a condiment.  (I have Jerusha, Joni’s lovely daughter to thank for the condiment idea!) And I did. And it was lovely! But did I take a picture? Even one photograph to commemorate the occasion? No! Can you believe it? And it was such a lovely moment, and it won’t ever come again. And all I have now is this rather sad “morning after” picture … a box of books, a few bottles of the wine—posed. So sad. So now I’m sending my critique sisters my apologies. They earned their books and bottles of wine, but I should have made a picture. They earned that, too. It was a Kodak moment if ever there was one, only Kodak and I were asleep at the wheel. But before I drag off to sit deeper in my slough of despond, and in case you’re wondering, the wine was wonderful. And the frozen blackberry added this little piquant kiss of the summer sun … it was just lovely! And you didn’t take a picture? No, I didn’t … honestly, what was I thinking….